This is the part of grace that I hate.
I don't like giving someone a reason to hate me. So if they already do I don't return the sentiment. For some stupid, idealistic reason, in my stupid little mind, I feel like to be above it all I should be nice and treat them the same I would anybody else.
At least I should do that when they can see.
Call it doing unto others what you would like them to do unto you or pride or whatever. I hold that principle very high. In my head I call it 'grace'.
So it's grace when you piss me off or do me wrong, don't allow me to explain myself and assume you know how I function. It's grace when we fight and our blood is boiling. It's grace when you insult me and the things that I do.
It's grace when all I want to do is stamp my feet, shake my head, clench my fists and scream. And then it's grace when I want to go mental and destroy everything in my sight.
But I slip, even if it's ever so slightly. It's a look or a stare, a roll of the eyes, sometimes a slip of the tongue. While I should feel good about it (and believe me I do) at the end of it all I'm kicking myself because in the grand scheme of things...I hate myself for allowing my emotions to get the better of me.
So that's the part that I hate about grace. And if you manage to keep your grace well, like some people I know and admire, then you have my deepest admiration.
I don't like giving someone a reason to hate me. So if they already do I don't return the sentiment. For some stupid, idealistic reason, in my stupid little mind, I feel like to be above it all I should be nice and treat them the same I would anybody else.
At least I should do that when they can see.
Call it doing unto others what you would like them to do unto you or pride or whatever. I hold that principle very high. In my head I call it 'grace'.
So it's grace when you piss me off or do me wrong, don't allow me to explain myself and assume you know how I function. It's grace when we fight and our blood is boiling. It's grace when you insult me and the things that I do.
It's grace when all I want to do is stamp my feet, shake my head, clench my fists and scream. And then it's grace when I want to go mental and destroy everything in my sight.
But I slip, even if it's ever so slightly. It's a look or a stare, a roll of the eyes, sometimes a slip of the tongue. While I should feel good about it (and believe me I do) at the end of it all I'm kicking myself because in the grand scheme of things...I hate myself for allowing my emotions to get the better of me.
So that's the part that I hate about grace. And if you manage to keep your grace well, like some people I know and admire, then you have my deepest admiration.
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